I’ve found out that I’m pretty dang good at single. Really good. In fact, single and I know each other quite intimately. We’ve been practically inseparable for a decade. And any time I try and dip my toes in the water of non-singleness, Single always lures me back whether I want it to or not.
But at the same time, I’d really like to be married to a Jesus-loving-all-in-sold-out man. To me, it’d be dreamy to find that person where you can say, “Hey you want to hang out forever and procreate more Jesus-loving kiddos? Cool, me too.” (Okay it’s more than that, but doesn’t that sound fun!?)
And from what I’ve gathered – quite a few other women struggle with this conundrum. How do you engage your single life, but still wish and desire for marriage? It’s really hard! At times, my prayer journal is soaked with words of hope and longing for that person. And other times, I get all I-don’t-need-no-man with a peppering of, “Boi Bye. These shoes on my feet? Yeah, I bought ‘em.” Sometimes the see saw of life tilts us too strong one way or the other and you lose equilibrium.
I am certainly no expert on the subject, but for those that are interested – this is how I’m learning to embrace my singleness, but also acknowledging that I really want a cute hubs. (Because you know what, no shame in that my fierce females.)
Self Worth is Queen.
For the majority of my life, I thought having a man by my side would equate to worthiness. I would get irrationally distraught when someone didn’t like me back. Or I’d be looking for a guy at every opportunity – like in the checkout line or at every church function. But if I’m being honest, it wasn’t really that I was looking for a boyfriend. I was looking for value. For worth. For someone to tell me I was significant. I found myself morphing into someone a guy wanted me to be, instead of being who I was made to be. Big difference. Once I was able to nail that one down, it actually, quite frankly, made me more attractive. I was no longer suffocating every guy I came in contact with, grasping for approval. I’m a firm believer that a strong sense of self is the #1 building block to a solid relationship. Because if you know WHO you are, you also know WHOSE you are. And then you can be free and authentic and honest – which helps you regardless of your relationship status.
Use Your Time Wisely.
Right now, in this phase of life, I have the most flexibility with my time I will probably ever have. Being single allows me the freedom to invest time in the things that matter most to me. Like building a business. Or volunteering to babysit my friend’s kids. Or developing mentor/mentee relationships with younger women. Or traveling on a whim. Or just getting to know God more intimately. I have some gal pals that have recently gotten married or stepped into serious relationships and the dynamic changes. You have this other person you need to invest your A-time with. Friendships have to change. Priorities shift. Time has to appropriately rearrange. So, I’m soaking up the time flexibility as. much. as. possible. Because when I have a babe on my hip and a huz by my side, you can best believe my brain is going to be laser-focused on those precious souls.
Be Present, but Pray.
I’m still working on this one. I’m such a future-oriented, what’s-my-next-step type of gal that living in the moment is near impossible for me. I like A and B and C plans just to make sure things are going to be caught if the bottom falls out. But. I know that living in the midst of the life God has me in right now needs to be cultivated, because you know it could change in an instant. So I’ve been starting my prayers with a big ol’ pile of gratitude for the season God has me in, but then I make sure I’m still declaring those bold, audacious prayers about the desires of my heart. And then I leave it there. God knows what he’s doing – whether I like His timing or not.
Remind yourself that marriage isn’t when your life starts. When I was younger, I thought life should go: High school. Check. College. Check. Sweet Job. Check. Boyfriend. Check. Husband. Check. House. Check. Babies. Check Check Check. And then my life would be complete. Like when I found my husband, everything would fall into place and I could start my life. Anyone relate? Well, when I realized that was not going to be my life, I had to come to terms with the real meaning of marriage. That marriage is more than just a #lifegoal, but hard work and teamwork and intended to be an IRL representation of the sacrificial love of the Father. Woof. Not small things. Life was starting all around me and I didn’t need to wait on a man friend to make things happen. So, I bought a couch. Found travel buddies. And stopped waiting for someone to come around to start living.
I’m not doing it perfectly and I don’t always have the answers. This is simply what I’ve found has helped me not think of singleness as a punishment (because let’s face it, it can sometimes feel like it), but rather as an opportunity and a gift.
Are you scared to death that you’ll be single forever? Or are you more the omg-im-going-to-have-to-be-with-one-person-forever type of gal? Tell me your story below!
Feel like you got lost? Perhaps you meant to head over to my Career Advice section?!
P.S. Music evokes emotion, stirs creativity and connects people. The songs attached to my posts are designed to give you the **feelz** that I’m feeling when I write them. Enjoy friends!
How to enjoy being single, but also desire marriage
July 18, 2017